Solutions For Parents

Middle Childhood » Communication

Good Communication at Home

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Avoid Personalized Threats:

  • I saw you…I know you…did…
  • I’m very sure you…
  • I noticed you…

Use Non-Personal Nonjudgmental Words:


  • What’s the situation here?
  • What happened here?
  • It looks like something happened?


Avoid Words That Do Not Promote Thinking:

  • I told you to…
  • Get over here.
  • Shut up.
  • You’ll get it later.
  • No! That’s wrong.
  • Never do that again.
  • Don’t you dare…
  • Say you’re sorry.
  • Don’t talk back to me.


Use Words That Promote Thinking:

  • Let’s talk about it, calmly.
  • Let’s write it down, now that you are calm.
  • Stop. Sit down and think.
  • Relax. Take a deep breath.
  • I’ll give you two choices. You decide.
  • What do you think?


Avoid Negative “Put Downs”, If You Are Angry, Walk Away and Get Calm

  • You make me sick.
  • You’re going to get punished.
  • You’ll never get to go…again.
  • You get out of my sight.


Threats are not to be believed, and therefore, mean very little to children, other than hurting their feelings and teaching them not to trust you.

Don’t HIT – call me INSTEAD

Use Messages Which Can Be Good, Even If They Aren’t Always Positive:

  • No, it’s not okay, but let’s talk…
  • It’s not so good, but we can discuss it…
  • This is a serious situation…
  • What can you do to fix the problem?
  • No, you can’t fix it alone, but I can help you.
Ask Dr. Susan